In his e-book, The Ignatian Journey, Kevin O’Brien, SJ, states that pondering, within the Ignatian sense, “is extra about feeling than thought. Pondering typically stirs feelings and evokes deep, God-given longings… We will place ourselves in a situation instructed by Ignatius or from the Gospels. Depend on our imaginations for that.” In a current expertise of Ignatian thought, my feelings have been so stirred that I couldn’t discover the phrases to specific them. I used to be imagining sitting subsequent to Jesus, and I needed to speak to him however was overcome by emotion. Once I checked out him, my eyes full of tears. It got here as a shock, and I felt embarrassed and ashamed as a result of I’ve a lot to be pleased about and I actually needed to really feel gratitude.
Gratitude was undoubtedly not what I used to be feeling because the tears turned to tears. I judged myself for not having the “proper” feeling. Jesus, nonetheless, continued to have a look at me—and never in the best way my imperfect human nature may need anticipated him to. He wasn’t judging me. In truth, I’m certain that what I noticed in his eyes was the identical look that Mark had when he wrote about Jesus’ encounter with the wealthy younger man: “Jesus, seeing him, cherished him” (10:21) . Jesus selected to like him the place he was, not judging him and never forcing him to alter earlier than he was prepared. And that day, Jesus met me the place I used to be and He cherished me by taking a look at me.
His imaginative and prescient was each comforting and difficult. It held an invite to dig deeper. I questioned why it was bothering me a lot. After sifting by way of all of the considerations, I found a current pure catastrophe that affected our household. It took over half a yr to revive and concerned a displacement from our house because it was being repaired. I expressed my worry that comparable incidents might occur sooner or later. Lastly, the phrase “God’s work” got here to thoughts, and with that I spotted I had reached the again.
I flip to Jesus and blurt out, Why? Why would you permit this to occur to us?
Now his eyes have been welling with tears, and he pulled me nearer. Tears rolled down our eyes.
In that place of prayer, there was no pretence. The temptation that Jesus will not love me is gone if I really feel unfavorable or if I convey up issues that I would discover ungrateful, uncomfortable, or difficult. He noticed me precisely the place I used to be, for what I used to be and wasn’t, and He was with me and cherished me. And I noticed him in his 40 days within the desert and what he would endure, together with the second when he would ask, “My God, my God, why have you ever forsaken me?” Deep in my being, I spotted that we’re by no means alone in our struggling.
To get to that place, I needed to prayerfully open my complete self, together with my creativeness and my reminiscence, and belief that God may work in my weak point. I requested for grace to note what was rising from the depths of my coronary heart. Once I did this, it revealed a temptation that was protecting me from connecting with God. The temptation right here was that God had a restricted quantity of affection for me, and if I stated the “fallacious” factor, it may very well be gone. Via this prayer expertise, I used to be reminded that I wanted to let go of any assumptions about who God is and the way God works. Once I lastly noticed temptation for what it was, I used to be in a position to let go of my self-judgments and focus as a substitute on the reworking imaginative and prescient of Jesus and the unconditional love He gave me.
Ignatian meditation is a strong methodology of prayer. It fosters a relationship with Jesus that illuminates the inside and permits us to reside extra absolutely and authentically, unencumbered by discordant ideas and emotions. It offers us energy, time and again, to see by way of all of the issues in life that may get in the best way of our relationship with God and helps us to embrace the reworking love that’s all the time searching for us.
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